


Digital Barycenter

by maq_moon



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, E-mail, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Minor Character Death, New Year's Eve, Rey Dameron, Unconventional Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2018-12-25 19:37:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12042828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maq_moon/pseuds/maq_moon
Summary: "I don't do social media," Ben said haughtily."Okay, Mr. Superior, how am I supposed to keep in touch with you after tonight?" Rey asked.He blinked in surprise. "You want to keep talking to me?"A year of online correspondence chronicles a blossoming romance, its joys, and its tribulations.





	1. Ben

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beautiful moodboard brought to you by [LarirenShadow!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LarirenShadow/pseuds/LarirenShadow)

 

 

He had always hated parties.

He hated birthday parties. He hated small get-togethers. He hated pool parties. He hated picnics. He hated Thanksgiving dinners, Fourth of July parades, and especially Halloween parties.

Ben Solo hated nothing more than his mother's New Year's Eve parties.

Every year Leia Organa tried to top herself. Every year she succeeded. The senior Senator from New York held auctions, sponsored a dance-off, and served the finest delicacies from around the world, all converging into a decadent thematic display, with all proceeds going to this charity or that. Ben watched the display of wealth disinterestedly; he'd seen it all before. Women with beads on their dresses and feathers in their hair did the Charleston under chandeliers that practically dripped diamonds. Posters of black-and-white silent films were placed sporadically around the ballroom. A baseball bat used by the New York Nine was a hot commodity at the silent auction. Jazz swirled in the air, heady and sensuous.

"She really outdid herself this year."

"She outdoes herself every year, Poe," Ben replied. "It's so ostentatious that I think I might choke."

Poe adjusted his tie, gestured to his black-on-white three piece pinstripe suit. "Gives people an excuse to get all dolled up. And really, with a theme like 'The 1920s', you can't expect it to _not_ be flashy."

Ben snorted. "If it's late 1929..."

"Save the history geek stuff for school."

The duo snatched a pair of champagne flutes from a passing waiter's tray. Ben sipped, then pulled a face. "Ugh, not my brand."

Poe rolled his eyes. "'Not my brand', he says. You're such a snob, Solo. A very particular breed of snob. In fact, I'd go so far as to call you a-"

"Don't say it."

" _Hipster_ ." Poe laughed. "Dude, come on. You gotta admit it. Your champagne is _so much better_ than the stuff at the fanciest party in the state. You've never heard of mainstream music. Your favorite movies have subtitles-"

"So where are your parents tonight, Dameron?" Ben interrupted.

"Probably drinking this _sub-par_ alcohol and dancing like idiots." Poe frowned. "Or maybe they're passed out already. Whatever. Though I should find them sooner rather than later. They want to leave right after midnight to avoid the drunks. Party poopers."

"Sounds like they have their priorities straight." Ben handed his nearly-full flute to a waiter.

"God, you're like an eighty-year-old woman, I swear."

"Why a woman?"

Poe walked away, searching for his family amidst the haze of gold. "Don't be sexist!" he called over his shoulder, laughing.

The dulcet tones of a woman from days long gone surrounded him. _I did wrong when I let you go away, and now I dream about you night and day. I'm unhappy and dissatisfied, but I'd be happy if I had you by my side... I'm telling you I'd be anything but blue if I could be with you, for only just one hour..._ He rolled his eyes at the sentimentality and simplicity of it all. The singer had hurt her lover grievously and was focused on her own pain, thinking that the company of the one she wounded would fix everything. It was preposterous. Of course, he much preferred this music to contemporary music, some of which he refused to even call "music".   

Ben sighed. Without Poe, there was really no one he cared to talk to in this sparkling would-be speakeasy. The press of bodies was expanding, exhausting the air from even the wallflowers. The warmth became stifling, and he started to sweat. A cold breeze swept into the ballroom from a balcony, blowing shimmering, gauzy curtains. Ben thought that they could be wraiths of a bygone time. He shuffled towards the balcony doors, past the clamoring for antiques, past celebrities, needing his lungs to be empty of this glistening breath.

He gasped as he stumbled outside, drinking the night air in large gulps. Shivering, he tucked his navy suit jacket closer to his body. He looked to the horizon; New York City was never truly dark, especially on New Year's Eve, but looking at the lights against the relative darkness of the skyline was soothing. Ben exhaled into his hands to warm them. Then he jumped out of his skin.

"Too much for you?" a girl asked. She was woefully underdressed for the weather. Her scarlet satin dress barely brushed her knees and boasted wire-thin straps. Her only protection from the wind was her long chestnut hair, done in carefully mussed waves.

"Huh?" Ben said dumbly.

"The party," the girl said. "It's pretty... intense. I'm not all that fond of crowds, so I came out here."

"Oh. I just hate parties. My friend wandered off, so my last scrap of sanity disappeared. _Et voila_ , here I am."

She giggled, leaning against the ornate concrete rail. "I was abandoned almost as soon as I got here. Feel lucky that your friend stuck around as long as they did."

"So are you from England?"

Her eyes blinked in surprise, light catching the glitter on her eyelashes. "Why do people always assume that I'm English?"

"You aren't?" Ben asked, eyebrows knitted together. "But your accent-"

"I'm American. Local, even. Says so on my passport and everything."

"Really?"

"Of course I'm from England." She laughed, and it was the most sweet sound he had ever heard. "I also happen to be an American from the Heights. I was adopted when I was six. To be honest, I'm not sure why the accent stuck around."

"It's nice."

Her brow quirked. "Thanks? I don't really know how to respond to that."

"I guess it _is_ a weird compliment."

A gust of wind blew, giving both of them goose bumps.

"I'll take a weird compliment over no compliment. Quid pro quo- you have better hair than me."

His hand reflexively went to his head, fingers curling in his inky locks. "Oh, um, thanks. Agree to disagree, I suppose." She offered him a half-smile in return. His eyes fell on her crimson-stained lips. "So, where do you go to school?"

"Yavin State," she replied.

"Oh yeah? My roommate's sister goes there."

"Does she also major in aerospace engineering?"

"How did- Oh, shit, you're Poe's sister? Why didn't you say so?"

"I thought it rather obvious," she countered cheekily.

As if only now realizing that the girl in front of him had been shivering for the duration of their chat, he removed his jacket and slid it over her shoulders. "It's Rey, right?"

"You're awfully slow on the uptake. Did you forget that Poe's little sister was born across the pond?"

"Well, yeah. He never talks about you like you're adopted. You're just his sister."

"Does he say nice things about me?" Rey asked primly, snuggling into Ben's jacket.

" _Only_ nice things," Ben replied.

Rey frowned. "Well, that'll never do. I'll have to misbehave. Maybe post some pics of me doing bad things on Insta."

Ben shook his head. "I will never understand Millennials and their need to put everything online."

"Dude, if I'm a Millennial, so are you. You're two years older than I am. And are you trying to tell me you don't have Instagram?"

"I don't have any of it. I don't do social media."

Rey took an exaggerated step back and widened her eyes. "Not even Twitter or Facebook?"

"Especially not Facebook, and I've never understood Twitter."

"Tumblr?"

"No. It's just a porn site afraid to call itself a porn site."

"Snapchat?"

"What's that?"

Rey threw up her arms. "That's a phone app! You have to know it!"

"I don't have a smartphone." Ben looked smug, haughty.

"Okay, Mr. Superior, how am I supposed to keep in touch with you after tonight?"

He blinked in surprise and screwed up his features, puzzled. "You want to keep talking to me?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, but the phone seems out of the question since we're in different time zones."

"Yavin is... Right, it's in California." He thought for a moment, watching the icy wind sweep Rey's hair into tangles. "Do you have e-mail?"

She gave a long-suffering sigh and leveled him with a heavy glare. "I think the dinosaurs had e-mail." She reached into her handbag and pulled out a pen and a scrap of paper. Having written her e-mail address, she extended the little piece of paper to Ben. When their fingers touched, there was a shock.

His mind was reciting things from particle physics classes he had taken years before. The shock was a valence shell electron jumping, nothing more. He had an extra electron and she had needed one. It was science. That was all.

But his nerves were tingling, and his eyes found hers. There was a shout, a call to attention. It was nearly midnight. He couldn't move.

_Ten_

He couldn't figure out the color, green or brown or amber, so he had to keep looking.

_Nine_

Then her lips twitched and he had to go and look at those, and he wondered if the bright lipstick was the kind that stayed on

_Eight_

or the kind that smeared. Then her hair caught in her face and he

_Seven_

had to brush it aside, and it was so soft as he

_Six_

tucked it behind her ear. She was shivering in his jacket, and he knew

_Five_

that he should have given it to her sooner. She was staring at him, and it was

_Four_

a good kind, not the kind that meant he had something in his teeth. She

_Three_

licked her lips and looked up at him through her glittery mascara,

_Two_

tilted her head just so,

_One_

and let her eyelids flutter shut.

"Happy New Year!" chorused hundreds of Senator Organa's guests.

Ben took a step back and removed his hand from Rey's hair. She made a tiny noise of protest and confusion in the back of her throat. He coughed.

"I never properly introduced myself, did I?"

"I already know your name, Ben."

"Well- that's beside the point. And I couldn't have known that you knew. I was just being courteous."

"You're a nerd. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Repeatedly."

"Okay, nerd, fork over _your_ e-mail address. I have to find my parents and Poe. We're supposed to go right away. Dad wants to leave here before the drunks leave the bars."

"Smart."

"Boring."

"I thought you didn't like crowds," Ben said.

Rey smiled. "I like parties, though. And I'm enjoying myself right now. You know, talking."

"Me, too. The talking part. I despise parties."

"So you've said."

"Oh," Ben replied lamely.

"Poe never said you were such a derp."

"A wh- never mind. Does he say nice things about me?" Ben mimicked her faux prudish tone.

She leaned in close, conspiratorially, and he could smell the champagne on her breath. There was also something else, something floral, and he closed his eyes as he inhaled deeply. "Never," she whispered. Then she laughed again, that charming sound, and he found himself smiling, genuinely smiling, for the first time that evening. She looked down, biting her lip but still chuckling. He regarded her; tall but made tiny in his jacket, pale against the dark sky and striking in that little red number with its ribbon straps and clingy skirt, funny but engaging. The words _if only_ came into his mind.

If only what?

If only she weren't Poe's sister? If only she didn't live on the other side of the country? If only this moment, with just the two of them, could last longer?

Such thoughts were meaningless, worthless. He would wake up and it would be 2015 and he would never hear from her again. Exchanging information with someone rarely yielded communication.

He was pulled out of his sullen reverie by snapping fingers. "Where'd you just go?" Rey asked.

"Nowhere pleasant." His smile was now thin, forced. Rey cocked her head and pursed her lips.

Poe bounded onto the balcony, a sheen of sweat coating him. "Found Mom and Dad," he said. "We gotta bounce. Oh, hey, Ben. Keeping my baby sister company?"

Rey smiled. "It's symbiotic."

"Whatever. Give him back his stuff and let's go." Rey stuck out her tongue and crossed her eyes; Poe copied her and blew a raspberry.

She shifted her weight from one foot to the other and shrugged off Ben's suit jacket. "Thanks," she said. "For..." She gave a vague gesture with her hand. Ben understood. _All of it_.

"You too," Ben said, holding back a smile.

"We'll keep in touch," she reminded him.

"Of course," he replied. The lie sounded hollow as it echoed through his mind.

"Will you nerds hurry up?" Poe said, exasperated.

Rey winked at Ben and left. He allowed himself to smile now. It was a secret smile, one that held the memory of the only party he had ever enjoyed. It was only too bad that he would never hear from her again. Maybe he would see her if she came to visit Poe on campus, though she had never visited before. If, one day, they did meet again, and she was older and in love, he wondered if he would hold it against her that she never wrote. Then again, he was just a guy who had loaned her his jacket. This silly one-night crush would pass. One night. An hour, maybe two.  It wouldn't take long to clear his head.

When he got back to Coruscant University and checked his e-mail, there was a surprise waiting for him.

He double-clicked "Hi!" and began to read.


	2. More Than Poe's Sister

To: Ben Solo

From: Rey Dameron

Jan. 11, 2015 8:32 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

Is it weird to start an e-mail to a new person with 'dear'? I know it's *proper*, but it seems strange. If you think it's weird, just say so and I won't use that particular phrase again. I can start with something like 'Yo, Solo' or whatever.

So, classes started last week and for the most part they're okay. I've always been good at math, but it's these ridiculous lit and history requirements that get me. Srsly, what does poetry have to do with engineering? Maybe I can use some of these huge textbooks as hammers.

ANYWAY, I'm heading out with my friend Finn tonight. I'm sure we'll be taking selfies and putting them on Insta, but you "don't do social media, blah blah," so you can't see them =P

I hope this was an okay first letter? It seems superficial now that I'm re-reading it. I'm going to send it before I lose my nerve.

~Rey

\---------

To: Rey Dameron

From: Ben Solo

Jan. 13, 2015 3:16 PM

\---------

 _Dear_ Rey,

It's absolutely not okay for you to call me _dear_ . I won't allow it. I've always hated it. I must insist that you call me "Mr. Solo" or "Benjamin Lucas", my _dear_. It's only fitting, given that I'm your elder.

I'm sorry to hear that you aren't enjoying most of your classes. I personally enjoy Lit, and my major is History/Pre-Law. Conversely, I always sucked at math. We're intellectual opposites, I suppose. If you ever need help with your Lit or History work, I'm a veritable font of information.

Are you trying to turn me into one of those people who is glued to their computer by denying me photos, _dear_? I can look at the pictures without having an account. Just tell me your user name and I'll see all of your adventures with Finn and company.

I think early communication is hard/awkward for everyone, online or in person. I probably seem strange, too.

Ben

\---------

To: Ben Solo

From: Rey Dameron

Jan. 18, 2015 7:02 PM

\---------

To whom it may concern,

*rolls eyes* Yeah, you're not getting any formalities from me. That whopping two-year age difference commands zero respect =P

You call us "intellectual opposites". I would call us complementary. You know, you can't have the whole picture without all of the pieces. Your humanities nerdisms and my mathematical genius combine into... I don't know. A cake of knowledge? Whereas if we're opposites, nobody gets any cake because not all of the ingredients are there. I use food in a lot of my metaphors. Poe says it's borderline obnoxious, but Finn thinks it's funny.

But as to perspective. Two types of people, I guess ^.^

It's really funny--in my Brit Lit course, my classmates look at me all the time because of my accent. Apparently being born in England makes me an ~expert on all things British. I'm just like... guys, I've lived here since I was SIX. I know the same stuff you do. Do those extra six years you have make you experts on the battles of Shiloh or Yorktown? smh

And no, I will never reveal any of my online handles or usernames to you! You must get your own Twitter if you want to see my ever-so-deep tweets.

~Rey

\---------

To: Rey Dameron

From: Ben Solo

Jan. 26, 2015 10:56 AM

\---------

Dear Rey,

I'm just going to ask your brother what your Instagram is. Your plan is not as fool-proof as you thought.

You have made me want cake.

You _do_ know that Shiloh was the Civil War and Yorktown was the Revolution, right? I personally could give you some off-the-cuff information about both, but history is my major.

Sorry this is so brief; I'm between classes but didn't want to wait any longer to reply.

Ben

\---------

To: Ben Solo

From: Rey Dameron

Jan. 28, 2015 7:15 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

Well, now you've left it up to me to decide a new topic of conversation. Rude.

Hm... My roomie and I are going to a V-Day party for singles. She says I need to socialize more, so I'm gonna try. Her name is Jessika (how cool is that spelling) and she's insane. I mean that in a good way. She likes to play pranks. I think my favorite was the "Endless Shampoo" thing she pulled on her friend Kaydel last Spring Break. Kay was using one of the beach showers and Jess kept stealth squeezing shampoo onto her head when her eyes were closed, so no matter how much she rinsed, there was always lather. She does other pranks--stuff that can get her in trouble tho somehow the blame is always deflected--but sometimes the simple ones are the best ;)

Anyway, parties. I'm not quite 21, so I can't *legally* drink, but there are always people handing me drinks. I'm not saying I necessarily MIND, but still. The problem with booze-laden parties is that they typically have booze-laden guests who make bad decisions with their booze-laden brains. There are also the people who get a little too friendly, if you catch my meaning. But I'll have Jess and Finn with me, and some of Jess's other friends will be there, so it should be a good time. Here's hoping, anyway.

You don't have to reply just for the sake of replying. You can wait until you have something to say. I'm not like a crazy girlfriend who demands to talk to her man every day.

~Rey

\---------

To: Rey Dameron

From: Ben Solo

Feb. 4, 2015 4:13 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

Did you just call yourself my girlfriend? Shouldn't I ask Poe if that's okay first?

Joking.

Your friends sound fun, and very different from most of my friends. I can count my _good_ friends on one hand. I think friendship should be about quality, not quantity. If your friends want you to get out more, that's fine. Just remember to keep what my mother calls a "Forever Friend". She says that's a friend who, even if you haven't seen them in two years, will call you and ask you to be in their wedding, and everything will pick up where it left off. I don't believe I have one of those yet.

I've made things serious and awkward.

As a friend of your brother, I have to tell you not to drink while underage. As your friend, I'll just use my Adult Voice and say to drink responsibly.

Ben

\---------

To: Ben Solo

From: Rey Dameron

Feb. 8, 2015 9:09 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

XD Poe is the one who first gave me beer! He gives exactly zero fucks if I drink! He does the same as you and tells me to be responsible. Only I get to call _him_ a hypocrite. When he was 18, he came home at like 2 in the morning, ridiculously drunk. He tried to be quiet and sneak upstairs, but he woke the whole house. The funniest part was when he shushed Dad and told him, "Don't tell Dad, okay?" Then he puked in the cat box and fell asleep with his head in our kitty's food bowl.

And no worries. You and I can be Forever Friends. We're getting a late start, but better late than never <3

~Rey

\---------

To: Rey Dameron

From: Ben Solo

Feb. 13, 2015 3:47 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

Poe told me that story. Didn't your parents make him go to school hung over?

I wonder if you mean that truly or if you only think you mean it. I'm not trying to cast aspersions on your character or cast doubt on your intentions. It's the cynic in me. There are people I've known for a long time, people I consider friends, whom I wouldn't even _invite_ to my hypothetical wedding, much less ask to be in it. I think you and I are on the path to friendship, but please don't make promises you can't keep. Again, this isn't so much about you as it is me; I'm rather pessimistic in general.

I hope I haven't just ruined our chances at being friends by saying that stuff.

Have fun at your party!

Ben

\---------

To: Ben Solo

From: Rey Dameron

Feb. 15, 2015 7:24 PM

\---------

Dude.

Seriously?

If it was anyone but me, you probably *would* have screwed up your chances at a relationship.

As it is, I'm glad you're honest, even though it kinda hurt. I thought we were already friends. But I'm bad at the whole 'friend-making' thing, so I guess my judgment is off? But I hope you're always honest with me, even if you're kind of a dick about it ;)

The V-Day party was fun ^.^ I didn't get drunk, Mr. Responsible, just a little tipsy. It's hard to resist jell-o shots. OMG this one guy made jell-o shots... without water. Straight up alcohol. And he didn't tell anybody. And he did them in several colors and mixed them with the regular ones, so it was like Russian Roulette. They were so gross. It was a party for single people, but it was CRAZY how many people hooked up. I guess that's ultimately the point.

I don't know. I was there to be single & mingle. Random hookups make zero sense to me. Jess says it's because I'm a baby (under 21) and don't get college culture, but I'm pretty sure it's the opposite. I'm not here to fuck around, literally or figuratively. Whatever. I try not to think too much about it.

Hope your holiday was fun! Did you go out with a ~lady friend~ or stay in with a tub of ice cream and some rom-coms? XD

~Rey

\---------

To: Rey Dameron

From: Ben Solo

Feb. 17, 2015 4:22 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

I'm sorry! I really didn't mean to insult you, I swear. Like I said, it's _me_ and _my_ issues. I'm glad to hear that you value honesty as much as I do, though. I suppose being a dick is my default setting. I'll try to work on it, if only for your sake. Continue to call me out on it. It's the only way I'll grow.

All-alcohol Jell-o shots? I don't even know if gelatin works that way. Still, it sounds disgusting.

I think you have it right. College is a place to learn and transition, not regress into a tall toddler with alcohol privileges. That's how I've treated it, anyway. As for "fucking around" (how loquacious you are, _dear_!), I'm not touching that topic with a ten-foot pole. Poe would kill me.

No, I didn't spend Saturday with a lady friend. I didn't spend it watching rom-coms and eating ice cream. It's a secret.

Ben

\---------

To: Ben Solo

From: Rey Dameron

Feb. 19, 2015 8:34 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

Poe said you were playing Call of Duty. You have no secrets from me!

And speaking of Poe- you gotta stop mentioning him in a fraternal capacity. (how's THAT for loquacious?) I already have a big brother. I don't need another one. One Poe Dameron is enough for this world.

I want us to be friends independently. It's fine to swap stories (or cheat to find out what the other did over the weekend ;D), but I'm more than Poe's sister. I'm Rey, and I'm a million things that have nothing to do with you-know-who. Besides, if you limit our conversations to Disney levels of maturity, we won't ever get to know each other, and then what's the point of talking in the first place?

ANYway, for some crazy reason, the school has decided that Spring Break should occur in March... before the start of Spring. Weird, but it's days off! I can't afford to come home :( You doing anything? Or does Spring break only hold more Call of Duty? ;D

~Rey

\---------

To: Rey Dameron

From: Ben Solo

Feb. 20, 2015 3:30 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

What do you have against Call of Duty? It happens to be my favorite FPS. If you can name a better one, I'm all ears. Otherwise, yes, Spring Break will be full of CoD.

Okay, no more Big Brother talk, unless we're discussing 1985.

I find myself curious about a few of these million things that have nothing to do with Poe. In the interest of not scaring you off, I'll keep my queries "Disney-level" for now. I know some things about you from our mutual acquaintance. I guess something easy but important would be a question about books. What's your favorite book, dear, and why?

Ben

\---------

To: Ben Solo

From: Rey Dameron

Feb. 22, 2015 8:06 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

You want to play the questions game? k.

My favorite book is probably King Lear because it's low-key shading the rich. Or, I guess it's more correct to say it highlights the struggle of the poor, but since this is being performed for King James, it's Shakespeare's version of political commentary. So it's sassy. That aside, it's just... sad. I mean, obviously it's a tragedy, but Romeo & Juliet doesn't make me sad. Lear just wanted to be loved. The person who loved him the most didn't know how to show him and he abandoned her. Then, when he went completely crazy, she was there to help him- only to die just before the stay of execution arrived. It's outlandish but so *true*. We all just want love, and we'll take what looks like love over what we don't understand or want to see as love. We're all abandoned or betrayed. We all feel helpless or mad sometimes. And bad shit happens at the cost of love. The road to hell and all that.

End mini-essay.

Don't ask me to do that again, or I'll ask you about cars- complicated things that Wikipedia can't tell you.

The questions game is more fun when it's "This or That?" and I don't let you explain. So...

Bath OR Shower?

Leather OR Lace?

Outside OR Inside?

Blondes OR Brunettes?

Netflix & Chill OR Netflix & Cuddle?

You must answer each one, and you can't explain.

I look forward to your answers ;)

~Rey

\---------

To: Rey Dameron

From: Ben Solo

Feb. 25, 2015 4:01 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

I'm impressed. Most people fawn over _Romeo and Juliet_ and, secondarily, _Hamlet_ . Have you seen the Russian black and white film version of _Lear_? It has a slightly happier ending, but really showcases the plight of the peasants.

I don't like this game anymore. I want to go back to G-Rated fun because you have juxtaposed weird thoughts in my mind. Here are your answers:

Bath/Shower: Shower.

Leather/Lace: Leather.

Outside/Inside: Inside.

Blondes/Brunettes: Brunettes.

Netflix and Chill/Cuddle: Chill.

In the interest of progress, I Googled some questions because I am seriously incapable of original thinking right now, you pervert.

Dog or Cat?

Netflix or YouTube?

Talk or Text?

Toast or Eggs?

Cardio or Weights?

Wow, look. Not a single dirty one!

Ben

\---------

To: Ben Solo

From: Rey Dameron

Feb. 27, 2015 6:56 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

Uh-oh, somebody needs to check their self-righteousness! None of my questions had any perverted implications (except the last one, lol). That's what's fun about This or That- somebody always thinks the questions are dirty, even if they aren't ;)

Anyway!

dog/CAT

netflix/YOUTUBE

TALK/text

TOAST/eggs

CARDIO/weights

You made that really not fun. You already knew that I like cats, for one thing. The point is to find out new stuff. Instead of This or That, we could ask really embarrassing or personal things. You know, do a good old fashioned game of Truth or Truth. I'll even be nice and let you go first =p

~Rey

\---------

To: Rey Dameron

From: Ben Solo

Mar. 2, 2015 3:12 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

You're ridiculous. Has anyone ever told you that? Sorry to have spoiled your fun by refusing to ask you _weird things_. If you absolutely insist on embarrassing things, I'll make it easy. Most embarrassing moment? I've got my fingers crossed for something that won't make me want to rip out my eyeballs.

Ben

\---------

To: Ben Solo

From: Rey Dameron

Mar. 4, 2015 8:04 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

*sigh* How very predictable.

Fortunately (unfortunately?), I don't embarrass easily. I kind of take everything in stride. So there's stuff like peeing my pants in 2nd grade, throwing up on a teacher's shoes- poor woman was wearing sandals- in high school, and getting my first period while wearing khaki trousers, whatever, but I brush it off. I did buy that teacher flowers and a gift certificate to DSW, tho. It only seemed right.

I guess my bikini top flying off at Hurricane Harbor was pretty bad. I couldn't keep myself covered AND actively search. This was with my friends, thank God. I'd have been mortified if my family saw me topless. Is this the kind of thing that makes you want to rip out your eyeballs? XD

Same question for you, Solo.

~Rey

\---------

To: Rey Dameron

From: Ben Solo

Mar. 7, 2015 4:13 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

Well, it certainly paints a picture on my eyeballs that I imagine you'd like to remove.

I embarrass quite easily. Imagine my mortification at the following:

It was my sophomore year of high school. I was at a party where the host's parents were out of town. The game was Seven Minutes in Heaven and I had _such_ a crush on this girl. Apparently the feeling was mutual because once the closet door closed, things got PG-13. Well, it turns out that the neighbor had a key and decided to see what the hell was going on. Everyone panicked. The closet door flew open and there I was, pants around my ankles, staring at an angry adult: _my mother_. She grounded me for a month.

Do _you_ want to rip out _your_ eyeballs?

Ben

\---------

To: Ben Solo

From: Rey Dameron

Mar. 8, 2015 3:02 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

You win.

Spring Break is on (woohoo!), and we've decided to take a last-minute road trip to Monterey. Me, Jessika, Kay, and Rose will be in the car for hours. We're going to stop at one of those cheap roadside motels and split the cost 4 ways. We're going to go to tourist stops and all of that nonsense. Kaydel is actually from there, so she knows where to get good food :3

Catch you on the flip side!

~Rey

\---------

To: Rey Dameron

From: Ben Solo

Mar. 10, 2015 3:59 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

Spring Break here isn't until actual Spring, but Poe probably told you that.

Have fun and be safe.

Ben

\---------

To: Ben Solo

From: Rey Dameron

Mar. 17, 2015 6:55 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

Never let me do that again. Jessika is CRAZY. If I ever say anything about going somewhere with her again, talk me out of it.

So here's what happened--

Monterey is awesome. Instead of staying at a motel, we slept on Kay's parents' couches and floor because everything was so.damn.expensive. Rose (a freshman aero engineering major I met a few months ago) is really chill and ~cerebral. She wanted to do museums and landmarks and stuff, which I wanted to do, too. Kaydel had already seen it all, so I kind of felt bad for her. Like, "WOO, ROAD TRIP! ...to my parents' house..." She seemed enthusiastic, tho. Her family is really nice. Anyway, to the point. We did touristy stuff during the day and it bored the hell out of Jess. Mostly. She did like the Art Museum, especially the David Park (Parker? Something like that) pieces. She tried to give us an art history lesson but all I heard was the teacher from Charlie Brown. "Wah wah wah..." I also didn't like the paintings... Sorry, David P! I liked some of the photography, so it wasn't a *total* bust.

ANYWAY, Rose, Kay, and I were really tired one evening after visiting Cannery Row, this shopping area with a huuuuuuge aquarium and all kinds of things to do. Well, Miss Jessika Pava must have downed like six Red Bulls or something because she was bouncing off the walls and talking a mile a minute at dinner. She wanted to go out. Like *out* out- clubbing. We figured, okay, we've been doing mostly "our" stuff this whole time and she's not gonna calm down any time soon, so we went to this place called Planet Gemini. Let me tell you about Planet Gemini!! It's freaking amazing. There are theme nights, and we happened to go on a night when the theme was Latin dancing. Well, you know how I feel about crowds and this place was packed, but it was *great* to see people's faces when a little "English" girl could merengue with the best of them XD Ah, my mother taught me well! <3 But yeah, Jessika. Now, keep in mind that this is a nice place. It's not like a seedy bar or whatever. They apparently have comedy shows and stuff, too. It's a *nice place*. Well, Jess is a girl who loves to drink. And drink she did. Continuously. For about two hours. Always had a glass in her hand. I'm not judging, just stating the facts and setting up the story. So eventually she had to hit the ladies' room. She took me with her. (it's true that we never go in alone. I don't know why.) All the stalls were full and there was a line. A long one. Jess has been doing the 'I-need-to-pee' dance for a while, so what does she do?

She peed on the floor. On purpose. She walked over to the drain in the floor, dropped her pants, and peed *right there* in front of God and everybody.

We got kicked out. Yes, WE. All 4 of us. Apparently there's such a thing as guilty by association when somebody pisses on your floor. We are *banned* from Planet Gemini. This affects only Kaydel, really, but still. The worst part? Jess says- present tense- she doesn't regret it.

The moral of the story is that Rey should not travel with Jess because Jess is insane and will unrepentantly pee in public places and get Rey kicked out before Rey can eat her snacks.

Rey is still allowed to travel with Rose and Kay, tho.

If I EVER talk about going on a trip with Jessika again, just Ctrl+C this whole thing and send it back to me.

~exhausted!Rey

\---------

To: Rey Dameron

From: Ben Solo

Mar. 23, 2015 3:04 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

I'm laughing so hard. That's one of those stories that seems too crazy to be real, but also stranger than fiction. I hope that things went well apart from that particular incident. It sounded like you had fun otherwise.

As previously discussed, my Spring Break will be full of video games. I'm thinking of buying some new ones, just to try things out. I'm leaning towards Titanfall.

Other than that, I'm waiting to hear back from some people about Summer jobs. I'd like to have some proper experience before I start actual law school this Fall.

I've sent my job applications all over the country, but I have the most odd feeling. I'm not sure if I want to be close to home or go as far as I can. I'm semi-confident in my abilities either way, but I've never lived away from my family. I know there's Skype and texting and all of the things you love and I despise. I know everyone would be only a phone call away. Still, it bothers me. You probably think I'm ridiculous; you moved to the other side of the country, after all.

Ben

\---------

To: Ben Solo

From: Rey Dameron

Mar. 27, 2015 7:02 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

I don't think you're ridiculous at all. I spent *weeks* agonizing over where I should go to school. I was accepted to Coruscant. I could have stayed home. But Yavin was just a better fit for me. The engineering program wasn't quite as good, but once I saw the redwood trees it just felt *right*. And anyway, so long as I have an undergrad degree in aerospace engineering, I'll be able to get into a grad program.

So look at the pros and cons. If you only get accepted at one place (which I doubt, Smarty Pants), go there. If you get accepted to more than one (which you will), have a lot of paper ready to make lists. Keep your browser open to do research on the city, too. You don't want to end up going somewhere with an insanely high murder rate XD

Have more faith in yourself. You deserve it <3

~Rey

\---------

Apr. 2, 2015 3:48 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

You're too nice. Has anyone ever told you that? I know better than to accuse you of false flattery, so I'm just going to thank you. Thank you for having faith in me. Not many people do.

Spring Break is upon me. I've played Titanfall; I hate it. It's back to Call of Duty.

I'm also reading an absolutely fascinating book about Iran Contra. The 1980s were insane as far as politics went.

Ben

\---------

Apr. 7, 2015 9:00 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

You are such a nerd.

Video games and books about politics older than us during Spring Break? YAWN

But seriously, NEVER bring up 80s politics around my family. My parents never.shut.up. about the recession and won't hesitate to talk shit about this guy or that. A specific politician, their personal Voldemort (V-something, but they don't like to say his name, lol), *personally* ran Dad's business into the ground. It was a store called Pathfinders that he started after he was discharged from the Navy. It had been his dream.

Go outside! Poke something with a stick! Jump in a lake! Annnnnnything!

~Rey

\---------

Apr. 12, 2015 3:34 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

To each their own, _dear_.

I have received word from four of the five firms to which I applied since I last wrote you.

All of them expressed interest! Two are local, one is in DC, and one is in Minneapolis. I'm taking your advice and making lists. I have five Internet tabs open at the moment: one to compose this e-mail and one for each of the law firms. I appreciate the advice, truly. You've already helped me more than you know.

Ben

\---------

Apr. 17, 2015 9:18 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

I told you so! But by all means, keep singing my praises. A girl can never hear too many good things about herself ;)

...is it selfish of me to hope that the best job is in New York? I'd hate to be home all summer and not see you. Yeah, it is selfish of me. You're not dumb enough to take my pettiness into account though lol.

~Rey

\---------

Apr. 21, 2015 2:57 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

Actually, your name is on the list of Pros for the two local firms. I'd like to see you, too. It's nice talking online, but it's not comparable to speaking in person. I liked making you laugh.

Sorry if I sound overly sentimental. It's just graduation and nerves and "starting a new chapter of my life". Studying and trying to figure out this internship distract me, but it's always there in the back of my mind. I'm liable to wax poetic if I keep typing.

Ben

\---------

Apr. 23, 2015 7:12 PM

\---------

BENJAMIN LUCAS SOLO YOU TAKE MY NAME OFF THAT LIST IMMEDIATELY.

I will *not* be responsible for you missing a great opportunity.

Moving on! Yesterday was my 21st birthday, which you would know if you had any social media, you dork. This weekend I'm going out with a few friends to one of those places where you drink wine and paint. They try to make everyone paint the same picture, but I really don't see that happening XD

xoxo

Rey

\---------

Apr. 24, 2015 2:56 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

Happy belated birthday! Many happy returns! I could kick Poe for not telling me, but it's not like I would have been able to take you out or anything even if I _had_ known. Have fun at your drunk art class. It sounds interesting.

If I take you- and all other people- off of my pros and cons lists, the balance comes out heavily in favor of the offer in Washington, DC. I know it's just an internship, but it feels bigger than that somehow. I feel like I'm at the edge of something, or that something is just out of reach. I have no idea what exactly I'm trying to reach; it's intangible. I'm probably not making any sense. I think that's the theme of my life right now.

Ben

\---------

Apr. 27, 2015 10:06 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

Go to DC if that's what the list says to do.

Nobody who's about to leave college knows what the fuck is happening with their life. Have you not been talking to my brother? He has all of these ~issues, too. Jessika is freaking out. It's normal.

If you figure out what you're trying to reach, write a book about it. Every university student in history will want to know that secret. I still have two years and I feel that way. I don't feel it with that urgency (and I'm def not trying to minimize what you're going through), but you're not alone. *hugs*

Aww, Ben, did you want to take me out on a birthday date? ;) Rain check, okay?

We had a lot of fun at the painting place. I didn't get drunk, thank you very much. I tried to be fancy and swirled the wine around and sniffed it. Finn and I used fake snooty voices to talk about bouquets and vintages and whatever. The picture we were *supposed* to paint was, oddly enough, a bottle and glass of wine. Jess nailed it. Rose nailed it (though she decided to use pink instead of purple for the color of the wine. She really likes pink). Finn, bless him, tried. It's really bad. Kindergarten bad. I painted a DeLorean DMC-12 (the model from "Back to the Future"). It was a good time. I might go back sometime.

I know this might stress you out, but there's only TWO WEEKS LEFT and then *poof* school's over.

I'm glad that, no matter where you go for your internship, I'll see your graduation.

xoxo

Rey

\---------

May 1, 2015 4:15 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

I actually completely forgot that you'll be at my graduation. I suppose it's more correct to say that you'll see me at Poe's graduation. I'm glad, too.

I am officially working for Victor Snoke in DC this Summer. The thought makes me nervous, but Mom will be around for work every so often. As a Senator, she's expected to keep a home in the city, so I already have somewhere to live. It's just an apartment, but it's more than enough. She never understood why some people buy huge mansions. I know she's being practical, but it would be nice to indulge in the finer things. The city itself is beautiful and full of history. There are museums now that weren't here the last time I visited. The Mall is always crowded, but there have been times that I've found a shady tree without tourists beneath it and just enjoyed the day. I'm steeling myself for the word "dork" to come from you. For clarification, I don't mind. I think it's endearing.

Ben

\---------

May 3, 2015 7:36 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

So you're a dork *and* a snob? Teasing! :)

It sounds like you really love the city. I won't mock you for that. We all have somewhere that touches our heart. My philosophy professor calls it an "axis mundi". You probably know Latin, but in case you don't, it's like the center of our world (I don't know Latin, so I don't know exactly what it means). It can be a singular place, like a tree in the mall (how does that work???), a city full of beauty, an item, and so on.  You can have more than one.

I have two; out here I drive to a specific park and go to a specific copse of redwoods. It's really peaceful. The other one is a bar in NYC. Don't look at me that way. Ronno's is this hole in the wall that I found when I was 18. It's a family operation. The first Ronno died years ago. They're on Ronno the Fourth now, and he has a son and grandson both named Ronno. I have no idea if that's their actual name or a nickname, but whatever. Anyway, I was very stupidly wandering the city alone and came upon this place right after I graduated high school. I was depressed (Mom was doing ~Navy things~ again and had to leave us for a while). So I open the door and Ronno *immediately* asks me if I'm 21. I told him that you only have to be 18 to drink in England (truth), but he said he wasn't an idiot because a) he still couldn't serve to someone under 21 and b) no non-local had ever wandered in. I just laughed and sat at the bar and ordered an iced tea. Imagine my surprise when I got a Long Island and a wink. "Never again," he said. He kept that promise, but I kept going. I made friends with the other regulars (mostly old men XD) and Ronno's became my *spot*. I don't take people there. It's *my* "axis mundi".

So, no, my friend. I won't call you a dork for having a place that makes you feel good.

I'll call you a dork for other reasons, but not that.

xoxo

Rey

\---------

May 6, 2015 4:13 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

That was... Well, I appreciate it. I like your stories, and it makes me feel better knowing that you have somewhere on both sides of the continent. It makes me happy for you, but it also gives me hope. I suppose I sound rather sappy.

The Mall in DC isn't a shopping mall. It's a long expanse of grass. Along the sides are museums, and monuments are at either end.

You said your Philosophy Prof. talks about the axis mundi. Would that happen to be Luke Skywalker?

Ben

\---------

May 9, 2015 10:10 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

...did you go to Yavin's website and look up the professors or something? Because that professor is absolutely Dr. Luke Skywalker.

Also, I'm glad my ramblings can be of some help <3

xoxo

Rey

\---------

May 13, 2015 2:04 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

Luke Skywalker is my uncle. I promise I'm not cyber-stalking or anything creepy like that.

I have to make this brief; I'm between exams. I just took Tudor/Stuart England, which I believe I aced. My next (and very last!) exam is Constitutional History II. Then- well, I don't want to jinx myself like in The Count of Monte Cristo- I'll see you next week for graduation!

Ben

\---------

May 16, 2015 3:00 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

All As and Bs for me! :D

Jessika is still packing. She's off to Chicago in the fall for a grad program in art history. She is just sobbing her eyes out and hugging me at random times. I never knew she liked me so much. I mean, I knew we were friends, but she keeps telling me how grateful she is that she's known me and is talking about the good times and I don't know how to handle it. I just hug her back. Despite her craziness, I *am* going to miss her. I have a feeling she's going to have to tone down her lifestyle. No more peeing on floors.  

I'm going to put in a request to room with Rose next year. I can help her with her aero homework and she's quiet. It'll be a match made in heaven (hopefully). Her sister Paige is transferring here as well, but she's going to live off-campus, so I might never see her. Plus, I still have Kaydel and Finn. Kay was more Jess's friend than mine, but we ~bonded during the road trip.

Any idea how you did yet?

And WHY didn't you tell me that your uncle taught at my school?

xoxo

Rey

\---------

May 17, 2015 4:57 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

Why didn't you ask?

Honestly, Luke and I don't have the greatest relationship. I didn't want you to ask a lot of questions and I didn't want him to ask _you_ questions about me, assuming you told him we correspond.

I'm graduating with a 3.9, which means I get to wear an ostentatious rope on my shoulders, plus extra rope for every Honors Society I'm in. They're all different colors, so I'll be Ben and His Amazing Technicolor Dream Ropes.

Poe says your flight gets in tomorrow, dear, but I don't suppose I'll see you until after Commencement.

I look forward to it.

Ben

\---------

May 18, 2015 1:03 AM

\---------

Dear Ben,

Sending this from phone at airport at like 1. Pls forgive txt speech.

I'll have 2 spend time w the family. But maybe we could get lunch or smth Thurs or Fri?

& since when are you sassy?????

Respond asap and I'll ck email as soon as I can.

<3 Rey

\---------

May 18, 2015 2:57 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

Why on God's green earth would you e-mail me at one in the morning?! Were there no good books at the store? Don't answer that; there never are.

At any rate, I'm glad to have heard from you so quickly and would love to go out for lunch. I'm free Thursday, but Mom is insisting on a big family day (including Uncle Luke) on Friday. If I did emojis, I would have done a "yuck" or "angry" one after Luke's name.

Now that you're home, you can let me know through non-digital means of communication, dear.

Ben

\---------

May 19, 2015 7:26 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

I'm torn here. I really like Dr. Skywalker and don't want negative emojis directed at him, but I want you to embrace the 21st century.

By the by, I sent you direct to voicemail not because I don't want to talk to you, but because I want you to EMBRACE THE 21ST CENTURY. Text me!

One text is all I ask. Shoot me a text saying, "Rey, you are a divine goddess and I adore you!" Kidding. XD You can literally just say, "Hi."

THEN we can talk on the phone, settle our date plans, and chat about everything and nothing.

xoxo

Rey

\---------

May 19, 2015 8:42 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

I'll send a text, but I won't like it.

What have you done to me?

Ben


	3. Kylo

\---------

May 30, 2015 6:02 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

I know I promised to write as soon as I got in, but I was really tired. I hope that a letter from before I've unpacked is sufficient.

It was great spending time with you in person, even though the time itself was so brief. It was a shame that my parents monopolized all of my days, especially since they can come here whenever they'd like.

If it isn't weird, I'd like to extend that invitation to you. If it _is_ weird, pretend I didn't say anything. Going with the hypothesis of the suggestion not being weird, there are things in the city I think you'd enjoy. The food's expensive as hell, but the attractions are almost all free. It's always a toss-up as to whether the White House is giving tours, and I don't think they let anyone into the actual Houses of Congress anymore. You'd enjoy the Air and Space Museum. We could steer clear of the art museums.

I start my internship on Wednesday. I'm absolutely terrified. I wasn't this afraid on my first day of college. It's like I'm an official adult. It might be a combination of the job, being on my own, and having to learn a new metro route.

Please ignore my insecure ramblings.

Ben

\---------

June 1, 2015 12:16 PM

\---------

Dear Official Adult Ben,

It's not weird for you to invite a friend to visit. I'd love to see DC (and you). Ordinarily I'd have to turn you down due to a lack of funds, but I GOT A JOB!!!

It's nothing ~glamorous, but it pays well and has good benefits. I'm working at your dad's garage! "Rey," you're probably saying, "cars have nothing to do with aerospace engineering." Well, no, they don't. But putting together machines is something I'm good at, and I figure that if I can't get my hands on planes or rockets, cars will do. Besides, it's cool working with a NASCAR legend. Also, money.

It must have been hard for you growing up. Your dad was on TV all the time, winning races, and your mom was governing. That's a lot of pressure for a kid.

I've told you before- I have faith in you. If you don't trust yourself, maybe you can trust *me*? And I trust you. So then, by proxy, you must trust in your abilities. You'll be amazing.

xoxo

Rey

\---------

June 2, 2015 8:57 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

It's tempting to believe you, but I know myself too well.

I'm in the bedroom I had as a child. There's no racecar bed or dinosaur figurines; I spent my teen summers here as well. I do have posters of bands I'm ashamed to call teenage favorites. My Chemical Romance and Good Charlotte reign supreme. Dad always gave me a hard time about the music I listened to. He said it wasn't "real" rock. He was right.

I start my job bright and early tomorrow. I have my clothes ironed and laid out. My clock is set. I guess I'm worried about my co-workers. I know I'm capable of the job, so the social aspect must be the problem.

I'm not going to complain about my childhood. I'd just be a poor little rich boy.

Congratulations on the job! I certainly don't envy you working with my father. He can be a taskmaster. He also has an attitude problem (read: sarcasm, invalidation). Hopefully you'll have better luck than me and Mom. Other NASCAR drivers pop in from time to time, so you may enjoy that. I agree with you about idle hands. Any engineering is better than no engineering.

Wish me luck.

Ben

\---------

June 4, 2015 2:16 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

Tell me EVERYTHING about the internship.

I start working at your dad's shop next week. I'm looking forward to it. I think that, as we get older, our relationships with our parents change. Mom and I were oil and water when I was in high school. She was gone a lot for work and I really resented her for it. We fought all the time. Now that I'm in Cali most of the year, we get along better. It could be age, or maybe it's the distance. We don't fight when we Skype, though. I guess I'm trying to say that you and your dad can be friends now if you try. Stranger things have happened. Our rooftop relationship is proof of that ;-)

...yeah, your taste in music *was* shitty. Mine wasn't great, but Poe always made jokes about My Chemical Romance specifically being for emo kids. You strike me as a loner, but not necessarily emo. If I find old photos, will you be wearing guy-liner? XD

xoxo

Rey

\---------

June 5, 2015 7:14 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

I refuse to answer any eyeliner questions.

My first (half) week has been... interesting. I thought I'd be a runner, getting coffee and relaying messages and all of that menial stuff. Instead, Mr. Snoke has taken a personal interest in me that's almost disconcerting. I suppose I should be flattered, but it's odd. He mentioned my grandpa. I wasn't sure why; Grandpa Organa died before I was born. He started telling me how much I looked like him, which isn't true (Mom's adopted, in case you didn't know). Very politely I suggested he must be mistaken. He put his hand on my face and said, "I'm not talking about Organa." The way he said 'Organa' was weird. It was like he was spitting out something that tasted bad. I asked if he meant Grandpa Solo, whom I also never met. He just shook his head. It was bizarre.

Instead of being an errand boy, I'm working alongside the paralegals. It's more than I hoped for.

Ben

\---------

June 7, 2015 9:11 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

Well now I'm picturing you in eyeliner. I'll have to give you cherry lip gloss to complete the look. No, I don't like cherry. It doesn't taste like real cherries. I'm picturing you with fabulous eyeliner and some lightly tinted lemon-lime lip gloss. The flavor is negotiable ;)

Victor Snoke, Esquire: Creeper Level: OVER 9000. Maybe he's so weird because he's old? I Googled him. He's probably lived through the last ice age. Also, don't you think he kind of looks like a dead body? His eyes are all blank and he has no expression whatsoever in his pic on their site. Um, don't go anywhere alone with him and don't take candy from him?

I start at your dad's place in the morning. It's your turn to wish me luck.

xoxo

Rey

\---------

June 9, 2015 7:23 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

The fact that you care so much about my hypothetical lip flavor begs the question of _why_ you care so much about my hypothetical lip flavor, dear.

I don't think Mr. Snoke's eccentricities have to do with age. He's incredibly smart. He has licenses to practice in Maryland, Virginia, and Delaware. He's never _not_ busy. It's almost like he's playing chess and sees checkmate in 13 moves before anyone else realizes a game is going on.

I will agree that he is cadaverous, but really, with a brain like his... He could be an actual cadaver and I would still learn a lot. I promise not to go to any abandoned parking lots with him.

So tell me what you think of NASCAR legend Han Solo.

Ben

\---------

June 11, 2015 9:16 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

*waggles eyebrows* Lip gloss isn't just flavored for the wearer, it's flavored for the people who kiss them, too...

I can't tell you what I think of Han Solo the legend. I can tell you what I think of Han Solo, my boss.

He's cranky, crass, funny, rude, tells great stories, and wants you to know that he loves you <3

Don't fall in love with Snoke. We wouldn't want you to stay in DC with your zombie ~lover!

xoxo

Rey

\---------

June 12, 2015 7:44 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

Sometimes it's hard for me to tell if you're joking or actually flirting. I think you're just joking, but I've always been bad at things like this.

At any rate, I'm glad you enjoy working for my father. Don't believe most of his stories.

I promise I won't fall in love with Mr. Snoke. If he keeps up the weird grandpa talk, I may not be able to even like him. I'll certainly still respect and esteem him, but it's getting crazy.

Ben

\---------

June 14, 2015 4:06 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

I'm sorry! I don't mean to be confusing!

For the record, I'm flirting AND joking. I'm really bad at that, too. Obviously. And I've made things weird because I'm Poe's sister and gahhhhhhhh I'm a terrible person and I feel terrible.

xoxo

sad!Rey

\---------

June 16, 2015 7:25 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

Don't feel bad! I don't think of you as "Poe's sister" anymore. Aren't you the one who said you were a million other things? Besides, some silly flirting between friends never hurt anyone.

Sincerely,

Ben

\---------

June 18, 2015 9:08 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

O.O

I fucked up so much that you're formal with me now? Oh god, I'm so sorry.

How can I take my foot out of my mouth??

x o x o x o

Rey

\---------

June 19, 2015 7:16 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

I didn't mean to freak you out! Shit, we're running around like chickens with our heads cut off.

Mr. Snoke has been encouraging me to write more formally. I guess it's bleeding into my everyday interactions, dear. I'm being given an e-mail address with the company (!) and have to represent them "with dignity and aplomb". I'm signing everything now, but I won't if it makes you uncomfortable. I don't want you to feel like you did something wrong.

Sincerely,

Ben

\---------

June 21, 2015 9:37 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

Thank god. You really had me scared for a minute there.

I think that it's probably a good idea for you to practice formal greetings/salutations/farewells/whatevers whenever you can. Have at it! I'm not going to be offended by courtesy (well, now that I know *why* you're being courteous).

I had my first ~cool~ experience at the shop today. LANDO FUCKING CALRISSIAN just sauntered in, no big deal, and started talking to your dad. Like they were two normal people or something. Han laughed at me when he saw my mouth hanging open. Then he put his arm around me and suddenly I was involved in a conversation about funny cars and which was better, fiberglass or carbon fiber bodies? And yeah, I have an opinion, but this is LANDO CALRISSIAN and I'm just staring at him like an idiot. My brain was keeping up with the conversation, but when it was my turn to talk I turned into a giant ball of stupid. I think I said that I liked Lando's stunt work or something similarly vapid. I could have punched myself. Thankfully someone mentioned roll cages and I went on a tangent about fabrication. It was probably a lot of word vomit, but it was better than "derp derp you look cool on tv". Han made fun of me when LANDO GODDAMN CALRISSIAN left. It was good-natured, so I didn't take offense or anything. Honestly, it's one of those things that you have to laugh about or you'll cry about it.

Remember how I said I don't embarrass easily? I proved myself wrong. I guess being star-struck is my kryptonite. Can't change it now.

Keep me updated on Creepy. Hopefully he becomes less creepy and you'll have lovely stories to tell me about work.

xoxo

Rey

\---------

June 24, 2015 6:42 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

Lando is certainly a character. Knowing him, he probably subtly went out of his way to make you uncomfortable. Dad thrives on things like that. Don't let his nice old man routine fool you. He can be quite callous.

I'm sorry to break it to you, but my dad and Lando _are_ normal people. Lando collects stamps. He's been married a few times; I was in one of the weddings. His very young current wife just had a baby. Yes, dear, he's in his 70s and is a first-time father. How very human. As for Dad, I could go on and on. The 'legend' is an orphan. He was an unmitigated ass to my mother for years. He was an absentee father. I could continue, but I don't think it's fair to color your perception of him based on how he was with me. People wear different masks; his Dad Mask and his Famous Han Solo Mask are two different things. We essentially know two different people.

Mr. Snoke is still odd. I wouldn't characterize him as creepy so much as cryptic. He still says things about my grandpa. I never knew either of them. He talks about my potential for greatness. I admit that this appeals to me. He made a very strange remark about my name yesterday. It was something about "keeping with tradition" and baptizing myself. Cryptic.

Sincerely,

Ben

\---------

June 27, 2015 12:57 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

You say cryptic, I maintain creepy. And possibly senile. He's ancient, right?

Poe is heading to Quantico soon. That's great, and I'm really proud. He'll make a damn fine profiler. I told him that they'll have to make a TV show about his adventures. There are a few FBI shows right now, but none of them has a dashing young Latino lead ;) I also make jokes about Hannibal Lecter and Buffalo Bob and all of that. I've been calling him "Clarice" for a week. The thing is, I'm not happy. I know it's selfish. When he leaves, it'll be me all by my lonesome. I never made friends in the city (unless you count the guys at the bar). All of my friends are from college. And they all live far away. I know I talk up the merits of social media and I absolutely stand by that, but it's weird being *physically* alone. I text Kay a lot and Jess is crazy on Insta. Rose stays pretty active on Twitter (and she's got this really dry wit, so everything she says is *hilarious* or probably hilarious but I just don't get it). Finn is the one person I actually talk-talk to. He's my smol precious cinnamon roll too good for this world, too pure <3 He's easily excited, so I love to FaceTime him. But Poe has always been more than my brother. He's my friend, too. I don't know what they'll let him do at Quantico in terms of communicating with me. Mom says the Navy lets you get online and all of that now, but it's still mostly letter writing. I don't imagine FBI training would be like Navy Basic, but still. I'm about to be minus my only similarly aged human-shaped companion. I still have my cat <3 The communication barrier is a problem. When I meow at him, he doesn't seem to understand me, lol.

I mean, I'm not isolated. I met Lando fucking Calrissian. I have a blast with your dad in the shop. It's just not the same.

As an aside- whaaaaaaat??? Lando is 70?? He doesn't look it. And he's a smooth talker, so I'm not surprised he has a young wife. Must be hard being a first-time dad at that age.

ANYWAY, enough of my moping. Tell me good things about your life.

xoxo

Rey

\---------

June 29, 2015 6:58 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

You're allowed to mope. It's not like you're being unreasonably sad. I suppose this is one time when I'll have to swallow my pride and say that social media is beneficial. It keeps you in touch with your friends and makes you happy. Ergo, I must concede that (perish the thought) Twitter is good for something.

You know that Clarice isn't the initial protagonist, right? Silence of the Lambs is the second book in the series. Red Dragon is the first. Will Graham is the hero. He ends up with a face full of knife wounds. I believe he's mentioned in Silence as having gone crazy. It's been a while.

I think that a nice distraction from your melancholy would be planning a visit. You could bring Poe here to Quantico, stay at my place for a few days, and drive back home whenever you wanted. If I'm being too forward, pretend I'm joking. I don't want things to get weird again.

Sincerely,

Ben

\---------

July 3, 2015 9:19 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

Oh my god, you're a nerd. I didn't even know there was a book series. Even if I had, I'd still call Poe "Clarice" because it's such a good movie and it's so quotable.

Thanks for not being judge-y about my angst. I'm taking a screencap of the part where you called Twitter useful. Blackmail fodder! But really, I do appreciate you being so tempered. I know how much you hate technology and all of that. I was hesitant about sending that e-mail, but at this point I feel I can just say anything. We already had the most awkward exchange in the history of awkward, so yeah.

If you're serious, I might take you up on the offer of a visit. It would have to wait until probably the first weekend of August. I'd love to see you and the sights.

Your parents invited my family to their barbecue tomorrow. I'm a bit nervous (crowds), but it'll be neat to see who shows up. I might meet someone interesting while hiding from everyone. It happened on New Year's!

xoxo

Rey

\---------

July 5, 2015 2:47 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

How were the boring "fireworks"? Did you throw snappers on the ground and use sparklers?

In DC the fireworks show was amazing. I suppose that's to be expected; it's the capitol. They're allowed to use _real_ fireworks, aerial ones, not just those cone things you sit on the ground. I'm sure Mom threw a great party. How many PBRs did Dad down before he passed out?

Sorry, I know I said I'd try not to emote my negative feelings about him at you. It's just difficult sometimes.

Did you meet someone interesting? Should I feel insecure and threatened and rage quit e-mail?

Sincerely,

Ben

\---------

July 8, 2015 9:32 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

I'll have you know that I love sparklers. My name was always short enough that with a good camera my parents could get a picture while the whole thing was still in the air =P

It wasn't overly crowded, which was nice. Lando FUCKING Calrissian and his wife made an appearance. A friend of your Dad's who is from eastern Europe or something was there. Everyone just called him Chewie, I guess because his name is unpronounceable in English? I'll tell you something- that man has the most luxurious hair I have *ever* seen. He needs to be in shampoo commercials or something. He'd have to shave his beard to do that, though, which would be a shame, because his beard was in like 5 braids. He's basically a marvel of human hair engineering.

Your mom's people weren't as cray, which was both disappointing and cool. Some Very Important People made ~appearances. Andrew Cuomo and his girlfriend and kids were there for about an hour (!!!!!!!). Naturally, I avoided them like the plague because what the hell am I going to say to the governor? His daughters are sweet, though. Some guy who writes plays was there. Poe talked to him *forever* and was a total fanboy. I've never heard of him, but apparently he's won awards and Poe would not shut up about going to see a preview of the next one before leaving for Quantico. What even is a preview for a play? One of the guys from SNL came for a while (I forget which one). I was in seclusion when the famous people were around.

The rest of the people were "normal". Those were the ones I talked to. Dr. Skywalker came, so we talked a little. He's really enigmatic. I mean, I thought it was a persona for philosophy class, but that's his *actual* personality. I like your mom a lot. The people were mostly rich, so there was that kind of unspoken-but-you-can-sense-it gap between us, but all in all I had a good day.

No, I didn't meet anyone in particular that I'd care to keep in touch with. You're my Internet buddy, even if you don't know how to use the Internet to its fullest ;)

tbh, I don't mind if you vent about your dad. It's like you said- we basically know two different people. If you need to be all ASDFGHJKL;' then I'm here <3 Oh, he didn't get drunk or pass out, for the record :)

xoxo

Rey  

\---------

July 11, 2015 6:58 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

I'm glad Mom didn't have to make excuses for Dad this year. I appreciate you offering to be a sounding board for my issues with him, but I really think that's unfair to you. You work with him. You like him. He's notoriously charming with people who aren't family. I don't want to change your opinion for you. Does that make sense?

So you met Chewie. He's my godfather. He knew Dad before Mom did. They used to get into all kinds of trouble and bailed each other out of jail regularly. Lando was there, too, stealing cars with them. Any historian will tell you that there's no such thing as _the good old days_. Chewie, Lando, and Dad would beg to differ. I don't know precisely when the good days began, but I'm certain they were over by the time I came into the world.

Look at me. I'm already going back on my word.

I'm pleased that you had a good time in general. Celebrity encounters can be irritating. Unfortunately, they're a part of life with a celebrated politician. At least Cuomo was the only other government official there. You should see it when she tries to have luncheons with people who fundamentally disagree on huge issues. It can get ugly. Mom's smart, though. She can talk down men twice her size with two whispered words. It's unnerving, honestly.

Sincerely,

Ben

\---------

July 14, 2015 9:05 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

So I had to ask your dad about the car theft thing. You didn't say that it was a first generation Ford Falcon. Jesus, I'd steal one! And *really*, if it's at a scrap yard, is it really stealing? It's not like it would have ever run again if your dad and Chewie hadn't fixed it up. I'm not sure I totally agree that Lando should have been cut out of the deal because he didn't do any of the manual labor. I mean, he put money into it. But whatever. He's going to show me the car one day soon. I can't wait! Like you don't even KNOW how much I want to see this car.

You talk about celebrities and politicians like you see them regularly. You know what? I don't think I actually want to be clued in. I might freak out if it turns out you know Leonardo DiCaprio or something.

xoxo

Rey

\---------

July 17, 2015 7:12 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

Start freaking out. Leonardo DiCaprio is actually quite nice, if a bit pretentious. He's one of those people who tries to convince everyone to become vegetarians. Otherwise, he's fine. This might come as a shock, but famous people are _people_. Didn't we have this conversation once already?

Stealing from a junkyard is still stealing, dear.

Are you still thinking of coming down here in a few weeks? No pressure, I just want to check in.

Sincerely,

Ben Solo

\---------

July 19, 2015 10:13 PM

\---------

Dear Ben Solo,

lol, is Creepy making you be even *more* formal?

But yeah, I was looking at August 1 (a Saturday) through maybe that Thursday? Obviously whatever works best for you since I'll be crashing at your place. Apparently everything is open just about every day there, which is amazing.

I do want to make time to see Poe. I haven't talked to him about his schedule yet. Apparently FBI training is a lot like school--classes and stuff. I'm sure he has evenings off or whatever.

Let me know if this works for you!

xoxo

Rey

\---------

July 22, 2015 7:05 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

That week will work fine for me. I asked Mr. Snoke on Monday and he agreed to give me the 3rd through the 6th off while you're here. He was cryptic again, saying something about it being "Ben's last hurrah". He speaks very quietly at times, so I wonder if I misunderstand him. He mentioned a new name and baptism again. I suppose it could be a religious thing and he's very devoted. Still, it's odd.

Yes, he has asked me to be even more formal, dear. It's a life skill that I should probably develop anyway. Defense attorneys don't just sign things with nicknames.

Sincerely,

Ben Solo

\---------

July 24, 2015 8:37 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

He's weird. You can make excuses, but he's just weird.

Your dad gave me the time off (he actually seemed really excited with the idea of me visiting you), so I guess you'll see me in just over a week! That doesn't mean you get to stop writing, though. I fully expect at *least* one letter before then.

I'm going to leave on Sunday at the ass crack of dawn, so I should arrive just after lunch if my phone isn't lying about driving time/construction zones. I'll also probably stop at McDonald's like 4 times because their coffee is amazing and they do the all-day breakfast thing now. I could *live* on those hash browns. So maybe longer than after lunch ;)

xoxo

Rey

\---------

July 28, 2015 5:55 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

I just got the strangest phone call from Mom. A friend at the Washington Post called her this morning and warned her about a story that's going to be printed tomorrow. Mom sounded really nervous, which worries me. She isn't a dirty politician, so I can't imagine what kind of story would scare her. I asked her, but all she said was to please be patient and not believe what I see on television. That worried me even more. I even called Dad. He told me not to judge and that there was a reason for everything.

I'm sort of freaking out.

I guess I'll find out tomorrow. Hopefully it isn't as bad as she thinks it's going to be.

I'm looking forward to seeing you on Sunday!

Sincerely,

Ben Solo

\---------

July 29, 2015 11:58 AM

\---------

Dear Ben,

This must be a bigger deal than I think because Han closed the shop for the day.

I don't get it. So Leia was adopted. Big deal. That wasn't a secret. A person's biological family doesn't define them.

CNN is saying all of these bad things about her bio dad. I don't get what that has to do with her. He didn't raise her. Her official statement says that she didn't even know she was adopted until she was in her 20s.

I *really* don't understand why people are freaking out so much. Your mom has done so much good. These assholes calling for resignation are ignoring decades of public service. At least she was just re-elected last year. This should blow over soon, I think.

So, yeah. I'm here for you <3

Love,

Rey

\---------

July 29, 2015 6:27 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

The problem is that she lied. She lied to her constituents. She lied to _me_. I absolutely understand why people want her to resign.

I never quite understood how Uncle Luke was a Skywalker but Mom was an Organa if they were twins. They always made it sound like Luke changed his name. He's a liar, too.

My father lied by omission.

Everyone in my family has been dishonest for my _entire life_.

We're going to have to agree to disagree about biology. I think a person's biological family has a lot to do with what they become.

I'm not watching TV. I don't trust the way politicians are cast. They're either on pedestals or are literally Satan. I'm guessing that the pundits are having a field day knocking Mom off of that pedestal and into the pits of Hell. I'd probably enjoy watching it, to be honest.

I realized almost immediately that this is what Mr. Snoke was talking about. All of those times he talked about my grandfather but not Grandpa Organa, he was talking about my _real_ grandfather. Senator Vader. I am like him, Mr. Snoke says, in a lot of ways.

I'm sorry to do this, especially at the last minute, but I'd like to call off your visit. We can reschedule. I _do_ want to see you, but I'm very angry right now and not in any kind of mood for company.

Sincerely,

Ben Solo

\---------   

July 30, 2015 1:07 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

Uh, *points to self* Adopted, remember? I don't remember my birth parents. They dropped me in an orphanage. I don't know why. Maybe they felt like they couldn't take care of me. Maybe it wasn't so ~noble. Mom and Dad are my real parents. I love to dance, like Mom. I love adventures and mechanics, like Dad. And my brother is one of my best friends. We're a family. I fight with my mom. I'm a daddy's girl. Just because I was "made in England", that doesn't make me less of a Dameron. Take it from somebody in her shoes. Besides, she didn't even know until she was an adult. So I have to side with Leia here.

I don't know why your family kept this from you, and I'm certainly not going to defend that decision. I think people should be honest, especially with the ones they love. I think you ought to ask your mom why it was so important that she not tell you, tho. Maybe she thought she had a good reason? I don't know. I'm with you on this one.

I think Creepy is lying and that you aren't like this Skywalker/Vader guy. He sounds like an asshole. You're my favorite nerd <3

I completely understand not wanting company right now, and I'm not offended or anything.

Still here for you.

Love,

Rey

\---------

Aug. 1, 2015 12:02 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

I feel like your situation and Mom's are apples and oranges. I also would prefer to not get into the nature vs. nurture debate at the moment.

I apologize for being so terse.

I can't talk to Mom right now. I'd just scream at her. I need to calm down before I try to speak to _anyone_ in my family. I do wonder if she asked Uncle Luke and Dad to lie or if all three of them were in on it.

Like I said, the media wants all politicians to be a saint or the devil with no space in between. I wouldn't believe what they're pontificating.

Thank you for being so understanding. Again, I'm sorry.

Sincerely,

Ben Solo

\---------

Aug. 4, 2015 8:46 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

Well, your dad's shop is finally open again. Unfortunately, it's *swarming* with reporters. Han is laying low. Chewie has come in to do his share of the work. I'm still amazed by his hair and beard ;) I told him so. He has this great laugh, which I'm sure you know. It's all warble-y. I can only understand about one in three words that come out of his mouth, but somehow everything is getting done on schedule.

I'm certain you know that I'm not *actually* feeling super positive. I'm making it my mission to cheer you up, if only a little. Would you like to hear (read?) some terrible jokes? Like it or not, here they are!

What's blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.

Some people think the glass is half full. Some people think it's half empty. As an engineer, I can tell you that the glass is just twice as big as it needs to be.

What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you use a feather. Perverted is when you use the whole chicken ;)

What do you call a short psychic who escaped from jail? A small medium at large.

Why was the math book so sad? It had a lot of problems.

Hopefully my terrible jokes made you smile even a little. If not, tell me if I can do anything to help. I know you're in DC and I'm in NYC, but I can send you presents or something. Or maybe you could go sit under your favorite tree at the mall. It seemed like that gave you a lot of peace.

Love,

Rey

\---------

Aug. 7, 2015 8:16 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

Those jokes really were terrible, dear, but I did laugh at the one about the feather and the chicken.

I appreciate you trying to cheer me up.

Mr. Snoke brought up the idea of name changing again. He said that my grandfather did it when my grandmother died. I'm being harassed by reporters. "Ben Solo" is recognizable. I've been coming to the Hill with my mother since I was a child. They know my name and face. If I change my name and move into my own place, maybe they'll leave me alone. Maybe I can come out of my parents' shadow. It seems logical.

Sincerely,

???

\---------

Aug. 11, 2015 9:08 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

I have a million terrible jokes. Just say the word and you'll get more :)

Honestly, I think changing your name is a dumb idea. Like, why? I get that you want to forge your own path, but there are tons of people related to famous people who do just that. It's kind of a no-brainer to use all of the tools in your box to achieve your goals. Your mom's name is one of those tools. It doesn't define you, but it helps you get started. As for moving, wouldn't that just be a waste of money? You're coming back to Coruscant for your law program in like 2 weeks. What would be the point?

Speaking of, do you want to grab lunch while you're here? There's a few days' overlap before I go back to Yavin.

Love,

Rey

\---------

Aug. 14, 2015 6:41 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

I've actually decided _not_ to return to Coruscant.

Mr. Snoke says he can get me into a program here in January and will put me in a paid position until then. My parents don't know yet, so please don't tell my father. They'll be furious. It will therefore behoove me to move out of my mother's apartment.

If I were in the city, I would love to meet up. As it is, we'll have to settle for writing.

I'm more seriously considering changing my name. Mr. Snoke and I are brainstorming. I'll be using whatever we come up with informally until I'm comfortable enough to legally change it.

I understand where you're coming from, but we have very different backgrounds. I want to succeed solely on my own merits.

Sincerely,

Ben Solo (for the time being)

\---------

Aug. 16, 2015 5:23 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

You sound really different. Stilted and formal. You've never been that way with me and I don't like it. Also, "we come from very different backgrounds"? Is that a dig at my financial situation?

I won't say anything to Han. It's not my news to tell.

I will say that I think you're being dumb. Just a month ago you thought the name changing and grandpa talk was crazy as fuck. Now you're on board?

I'm worried about you, Ben.

Love,

Rey

\---------

Aug. 19, 2015 7:22 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

Please don't worry about me. I'm sorry I'm being strange. Everything's been turned on its head and I don't know left from right. I feel like Mr. Snoke is the only person being honest with me.

Yes, I was referencing your financial situation, but I didn't mean it in a derogatory way. I meant that I grew up knowing the elite. I don't want to buy a position or get a job because strings were pulled.

I didn't mean to make you angry. You're my only friend from my life before the lies came out. I don't want to hurt you or jeopardize our relationship.

Sincerely,

TBD

\---------

Aug. 23, 2015 4:57 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

Look, I get that you're having a bad time. It may be the worst time you've ever had in life. You don't know how it will end or how long it's going to last.

That doesn't mean you get to be a dick to me.

Are we clear? Because I won't put up with that shit. I'll listen to you vent. I'll be whatever you need me to be- except a punching bag.

Now, to more cheerful matters! I'm back at Yavin. Classes start on Wednesday. I'm rooming with Rose (yay!). She has so many books that it's scary. Apparently she's read them all, some of them twice. They're from every genre- trashy romances, classic lit, history, mechanics, ALL of the things.

I've actually been exempted from some classes, so they're projecting that I'll graduate a semester early (yay again!). I like to take 18 hrs a semester, so I was ahead anyway. My last semester wouldn't have to be full-time, except to dorm here full-time is required.

TBD is a terrible name. You should stick with Ben.

Love,

Rey

\---------

Aug. 27, 2015 5:43 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

Rose is the smart one who shares your major, right? You aerospace girls are a smart lot, so it doesn't surprise me that she has a ton of books.

It's great that you'll graduate early. Have you thought about grad programs yet?

I really can't apologize enough. You're not a punching bag. I adore you, Rey. I just can't seem to help the garbage that's coming out of me these days.

I got a very angry message from Mom two days ago asking where the hell I was, saying that law school was expensive, and so forth. I'd be lying if I said I don't feel a little bad, but at this point I have to do what I feel is best for me. New York City isn't where I'm meant to be right now. I can't be around Leia Organa or Han Solo. I would probably explode and break things.

Sincerely,

TB _A_

\---------

Sept. 1, 2015 9:05 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

TBA is also a dumb name. I'm rather fond of "Ben".

I'm looking at Corellia for my post-bac program. It's a lot closer to home and is one of the top ranked in the country. Bespin looks nice, too, for a backup.

Well, it's good that you're mindful of your limitations. I still think it's ridiculous that you bailed on Coruscant. I also still think that you should have a chat with your mom privately, but I guess wait until you stop saying "garbage" and wanting to break things.

Are you still apartment hunting or are you being smart and saving your money?

Love,

Rey

\---------

Sept. 4, 2015 7:12 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

I actually found an apartment in Alexandria. The rent is astronomical, but Mr. Snoke is helping. The apartment itself is small and the water pressure is terrible, but I'm being self-sufficient. It feels good.

Corellia is a really good school. I Googled it just now and it looks like they have some pretty noteworthy alumni.

I know you don't like it, but the name hunt is coming along nicely. Mr. Snoke favors "Kyle". It's his late son's name. Just like with Organa and Solo, I don't want to have someone else's name. I looked up the name meaning and wasn't fond of it (it's a topographical term meaning strait or channel), but Mr. Snoke ascribes such meaning to it that I'd feel really bad not using at least a derivative.

Sincerely,

Hopefully Not Kyle

\---------

Sept. 9, 2015 9:16 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

You aren't a Kyle. You don't look like a Kyle. If you don't like the name, don't take it. Idea: keep the name you have now! Your parents obviously had a reason- meaning or whatever- for naming you Ben. Isn't it kind of hypocritical to say you don't want to deny one meaningful name but completely trash another meaningful name?

Okay, so, not trying to be contrary or anything, but if Creepy is helping you pay your rent, you're not being self-sufficient.

Also, what school are you starting in January? Do you know yet?

Love,

Rey

\---------

To: Rey Dameron

From: Kylo Ren

Sept. 14, 2015 7:46 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

You make a fair point, I suppose.

 _Partial_ self-sufficiency is better than none, Rey. I have to take one step at a time.

Mr. Snoke has gotten me accepted to Mustafar. I had originally intended to be a criminal defense attorney, pro bono when I could, but he explained to me that this was a bad course of action. Instead, I'll be following in Grandfather Vader's footsteps and become a corporate attorney. There's more money in that. I wouldn't work with companies that were just starting; Mr. Snoke advised against that. He said he would be able to get me on teams for large corporations.

In the future, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't call him "creepy". He's been nothing but kind to me.

\---------

To: Kylo Ren

From: Rey Dameron

Sept. 17, 2015 8:38 PM

\---------

Dear Ben (who was rude when he didn't sign his last letter),

I'll call him whatever I want =/

You're doing the super-formal thing again. I think I preferred our ~awkward period, and that was ridiculously uncomfortable.

I'm not sure if you know, but your dad was taken to the hospital last week (Dr. Skywalker told me). He's home now, but apparently he has PAD or something of that nature. No matter how angry you are, you might want to call.

Classes are going well. I continue to hate literature.

Love,

Rey

\---------

To: Rey Dameron

From: Kylo Ren

Sept. 25, 2015 7:13 PM

\---------

Dear Rey,

I didn't know that Han had been hospitalized. I was rather busy and didn't get the opportunity to call.

I didn't call your infantile friend "piss pants" or anything like that out of respect for you, Rey. I hardly think it's a lot to ask for you to afford me the same respect. Mr. Snoke is my mentor and friend. Please be courteous.

We have almost decided on a name. I have taken your previous advice into account regarding Han and Leia's decision having meaning.

I'm glad that your studies are progressing nicely.

\---------

To: Kylo Ren

From: Rey Dameron

Sept. 28, 2015 9:01 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

What's going on with you? This is Invasion-Of-The-Body-Snatchers weird. You're being rude and, frankly, just plain mean.

I know you've never gotten along with your dad, but to find out that he's been hospitalized and has a *serious* disease and then not call is a real dick move.

And what's with calling your parents by their names? It's weird.

xoxo

Rey

\---------

To: Rey Dameron

From: Kylo Ren

Oct. 10, 2015 6:17 PM

\---------

Rey,

I've severed ties with Han and Leia. I can call them whatever I like.

As for Han's hospitalization, what is it to me? You said yourself that we never got along. I haven't spoken to him or Leia since before the news of her treachery broke. He must know that I've washed my hands of him.

My change of tone reflects one thing: maturity. I truly apologize if it bothers you. I cherish our friendship, but I've grown. You haven't. You will; you're already mature for your age. Then you'll see that I'm not being rude or mean, but succinct.

Sincerely,

Kylo Ren

\---------

To: Kylo Ren

From: Rey Dameron

Oct. 14, 2015 9:18 PM

\---------

Dear Ben,

Growing and changing are two different things. You haven't grown. You've changed, and not for the better. You *are* being rude and mean, and now you've added patronizing into the mix.

Where did my friend go? My friend who e-mailed me just so I knew he hadn't forgotten me? My friend who offered to help me with my homework from the other side of the country? Where is he?

~Rey

\---------

To: Rey Dameron

From: Kylo Ren

Oct. 26, 2015 6:30 PM

\---------

Rey,

Your friend is dead. Ben Solo doesn't exist anymore. I killed him. I'm stronger now. The truth set me free and let me breathe, Rey. Freedom is intoxicating. Once you let go of the ties that bind you to your childhood, you can do _so much more_ than you ever expected.

I hope you do that soon, Rey. I really do. Then we can re-forge our bond. It will be stronger than before. You'll see.

Sincerely,

Kylo Ren

\---------

To: Kylo Ren

From: Rey Dameron

Oct. 29, 2015 8:08 PM

\---------

Dear Ben, or Kylo, or whatever the fuck you call yourself,

We were supposed to be Forever Friends.

And you used to call me "dear".

I told you that I wouldn't be your punching bag. That's what you've turned me into. Every time I see something from you in my inbox, I get a surge of hope, and every time I'm disappointed. When you decide to resurrect my friend, feel free to get in touch- because I will always love Ben Solo. Until then, go fuck a pig.

Rey

\---------

To: Rey Dameron

From: Kylo Ren

Dec. 7, 2015 2:54 AM

\---------

my dad is dead

\---------

To: Kylo Ren

From: Rey Dameron

Dec. 9, 2015 5:14 PM

\---------

I know.

You weren't at the layout or funeral.


	4. Rey

_All dressed up and nowhere to go_.

That was the phrase that kept ringing through Rey's mind.

She had intended to go to Leia Organa's New Year's Eve party. Her family had been invited, after all. The theme was "Film Noir". Rey had dressed appropriately. Poe had called her yellow dress "reminiscent of Gene Tierney", whatever that meant. She had even curled her hair just so to look the part of a classic femme fatale. Yet as she stepped out of the cab, hand on Poe's arm, she had panicked. She had looked into her brother's eyes, frantic but not knowing why, and he simply smiled. "Go," he had said. "I'll take pictures."

Rey pulled opened doors she knew well in a less-frequented part of the city. Familiar faces smiled at her, and some voices even chorused her name.

"You twenty-one yet, Rey?" a scruffy man behind the bar asked.

"Says so on my driver's license and everything," she replied, claiming a stool.

"What can I get for you, in that case?" He watched her closely while absently wiping the bar with a dirty rag.

"A time machine."

"None of those on the menu. You get all gussied up just to come see me?"

"You know it, Ronno," Rey said, winking. "You're the only man for me."

"Don't tell the missus."

She laughed. "I'm supposed to be at the Organa fundraiser. I _was_ there- for about two seconds. But I just couldn't go inside."

"Why not?"

"A fella done me wrong." She twisted her lips. "He's probably not even there. But we met there, last year. The memories..."

The old man stroked his long, tangled beard. "Bad?"

"Good," Rey replied. "Months of good memories. That makes the bad ones hurt even more."

"You need some whiskey." Ronno poured a generous measure into a tumbler and slid it to her. "None of that sour, no ice to water it down. This is my best stuff. It burns just right." Rey closed her eyes and sipped. The whiskey was hot on her tongue and warm in her chest. She found herself humming and licking her lips. "You let me know if you want more. No charge. Never again. You're welcome. Flag me down if you want to gripe, or just invite yourself to join any of these layabouts." He motioned to the bar's other patrons. "You know how it goes here."  

"You sure you won't leave your wife and run away with me?" Rey teased.

"I'm on her insurance. Grandson is about your age, but he didn't inherit my charm." Chuckling, Ronno tossed the damp, dirty rag onto his shoulder and marched into the kitchen. Rey was left with her thoughts.

How could one year have changed her so dramatically? How could one _person_? Their initial meeting had been so brief and he had seemed almost disinterested in her. She had, she thought, been pretty clear in her body language about wanting to kiss him. When he hadn't, she'd been disappointed but not discouraged. Rey had always been of the opinion that a person could never have too many friends, and Ben was definite friend material. He was different. Plus Poe vouched for him, and her parents knew his parents, so it seemed only natural that they would mesh well.

She smiled and took another sip of whiskey. It had been so nice at first, so light-hearted. She had enjoyed teasing him with her little games of getting-to-know-you. She had always liked hearing about his life. When he told her that her advice had helped him choose what job to take, she felt an immense swell of pride. She'd never had any influence over anyone before.

Now she cursed herself for helping. She had led him to Victor Snoke. She had ruined everything.

Rey snorted into her glass. What a cliché she was, brooding in a bar on a holiday! It was almost as bad as having a first kiss during a thunderstorm or having your best friend declare their undying love during your wedding. She was living in a cheesy movie, the kind she loathed, hung up on a guy who had expressed very little interest and who had done a complete 180 in just a few months. In a movie, Ben- _Kylo_ \- would find her, spin her around, kiss her senseless, and apologize, and she would forgive him.

Life wasn't a movie. She downed the last of her whiskey in one gulp. Her head buzzed a little, and she shook it to gain some clarity. Instead she got a dizzy spell. Ronno emerged from the kitchen with a glass of tap water. He looked at the water pointedly before checking on a particularly raucous bunch of patrons.

The television in the corner above the bar usually showed sports, football being Ronno's favorite. Tonight, to Rey's surprise, the face of Ryan Seacrest filled the screen.

"What's with this? You hate pop music," Rey said dryly.

"They have Jimmy Buffett this year. And that Carrie Underwood is easy on the eyes," Ronno replied. "Drink your water."

Rey stuck out her tongue but obliged.

Time ticked on, as it invariably must. Rey watched the television, not truly seeing it. She shivered whenever the door was opened. She heard the chorus of voices greeting whichever regular had arrived but couldn't make out the words. All the while, she sipped her water, trying not to think. Her phone dinged every so often, no doubt Poe sending her pictures from Leia Organa's fundraiser. She wondered idly if he was having a good time. She wondered what the decorations were, and the auction items.

She put her head in her hands, shivering as the door was opened once more. The patrons were oddly quiet. Maybe she had turned them into white noise. She took a few steadying breaths and reached for her glass. The cold water made her goose bumps worse, but her head was finally starting to feel better.

A sudden warmth enveloped her as a jacket was placed over her shoulders. Rey turned around and punched Kylo Ren in the jaw.

He blinked in surprise, bringing his hand to his face. "What was that for?!"

"What do you think, asshole?" She wadded up his jacket and thrust it back at him.

He looked at his shoes, ignoring the patrons who had now become an audience. "I suppose I deserved that. But I'm here to talk, not fight."

Rey barked out a laugh, a harsh sound that made him flinch. "Bit late for that, don't you think?" Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ronno come from the kitchen, lips pursed, and reach under the bar to where he kept his old Army pistol. He raised one eyebrow in question. Rey shook her head and waved him off. The barman inclined his head slowly, never blinking his eyes; he'd be watching, just in case.

"Please?" he entreated. "I'm not asking you to forgive me-"

"Good-"

"-just to listen to me. Then I'll leave you alone forever, if that's what you want."

Considering, Rey decided it was worth it. Talking to him for a few minutes would get him out of her life for good. She gestured to a high-top bar table with only two seats. Bringing her water with her, she sat, refusing again his offer of a jacket.

"So talk."

He took a shaky breath. "I guess I should start in August, when the news broke about... my biological grandfather. I felt completely betrayed, lied to. All of these names were swirling around me- Vader, Skywalker, Solo, Organa- and only _one_ of those names wasn't attached to someone who'd never let me down. He had been so powerful, so influential! He was on so many committees... And Mr. Snoke had known him. He told me all of these wonderful things my grandfather had done, and how he had been this incredible person, and how I was so much like him. I guess- not to make excuses, but- to someone who thought they had been betrayed, hearing that you have this great person that you can emulate is comforting. Exhilarating.

"So I endeavored to be like him. I would switch course in my studies, hold every position he had held, if I could. But I couldn't do that as Ben Solo. Mr. Snoke said the name was too recognizable. He said that, like my grandfather, I should create a new name for myself. In the end we came up with the name Kylo Ren. He called it 'distinctive and distinguished'."

Rey snorted but did not otherwise interrupt.

"With a new name came freedom. I could be anyone. I didn't have to be Han and Leia's kid. I was completely independent- that's what I told myself anyway. I like to think that I subconsciously knew something was wrong, but I'm probably flattering myself. Mr. Snoke wasn't forcing me to do or say anything. I take responsibility for all of it. All of it..."

He fell silent then, turning his attention to the condensation on Rey's glass. After several long moments, Rey spoke.

"Are you done?"

"N-no, just... Just thinking. How do I even say it?"

"I find that the best way to say something is to just _say it_ ," Rey replied coolly.  

"Dad- well, you know he's... gone. I killed him, Rey." He looked at her with such raw sincerity, tears spilling from his eyes. "It was me."

Confusion clouded everything. Her eyes narrowed and her jaw dropped ever so slightly. She gaped for a moment, thinking back to a cold Autumn day and a sermon given in a church Han had likely never visited. "No," she said slowly, "He had a heart attack."

"Because of me!" He raised his quavering voice. The men in the corner booth stared.

"You must think a lot of yourself if you believe you can personally cause heart attacks, Kylo."

"Please don't call me that," he entreated, his voice a whisper now. "Please. I may not deserve the name, but it's Ben Solo."

Rey narrowed her eyes. "Fine, _Ben_. How did you gain power over life and death?"

"We were fighting," he said, voice hollow, eyes fixated on some point above her left shoulder. "It was ugly. I called my mother some very distasteful things because she had lied. Dad tried to stay calm, but he couldn't abide me talking about Mom like that. He pointed his finger right in my face, like he always does- did- when he was angry and tried to defend her. He was shouting about how horrible Vader was, and I was screaming back what I had been told. One of the last things he said was 'Just ask the Damerons'. He wouldn't explain, so I yelled some more. He tried to walk away, but I grabbed his jacket. He told me that we would talk about it when I grew up a little. I was just so _mad_. He tried to leave again. I told him not to walk away from me." Ben ran a hand over his eyes, grabbing the moisture that had been gathering there.

"And he didn't. He fell over dead right then."

Ben began to cry in earnest. Rey pulled napkins out of the dispenser and handed them to him. He blew his nose, wiped his eyes, blew his nose again. Rey noticed a pitcher of water on the table. Ronno had been by, she realized, and left it for her. She filled up her glass and pushed it towards Ben, who mumbled his thanks and gulped down an entire glass.

Against her better judgment, Rey took his hand. "Han was old and sick. You're not a god. You didn't kill him."

"You didn't see his face!" Ben shouted, snatching his hand away. "I may as well have stuck him with a knife, or- or- shot him in the stomach. It was me."

"Listen to me," Rey murmured, daring more skin on skin contact as she touched her fingertips to the place at his wrist where his pulse raced. "Your father was pushing 70. He had a very high-risk lifestyle for most of those years. He'd just gotten out of the hospital a few weeks earlier. He still had screaming matches with Leia. I'd hear him from the office shouting about one thing or another. If he'd passed away while fighting with her, would it have been your mother's fault? No. Just as it isn't yours."

"Maybe..." he murmured, unconvinced. "But I couldn't go to his funeral. Not knowing what I'd done. So while everyone was sitting in church, I was sitting in a library."

Rey started. "A library?"

Ben nodded. "Dad had said to _ask the Damerons_. Well, I couldn't exactly do that. Not after how I'd treated you. So I went to the library and finally did some research. I needed to know, I guess, if what I had done was a justifiable homicide. I could only find out if I knew what Dad meant. And he'd never outright said. So I had to look."

"You're rambling," Rey said, not unkindly. She noticed that her fingers were now laced with his.

"Right, sorry. I had to find out who was right about my grandfather- me or Dad. If I was right, what I had done was less horrible. So I hoped that everything Mr. Snoke told me was true." Ben snorted. "Dad was right. That made my crime worse, because at least if he had been lying I would have had good reason to scream like that.

"Mr. Snoke hadn't lied about everything. A good liar never does. My grandmother died under very mysterious circumstances right after she gave birth. Grandfather wasn't in the country at the time- that's how family friends took off with my mom and Uncle Luke- but apparently there was reason to investigate him. My grandfather _did_ sit on a lot of committees. He _was_ well liked- at first. There was scandal after scandal. He grew up in poverty, but you wouldn't think it with the way he voted. Some of the things he proposed were disgusting, even by 1980s standards. He consistently voted in favor of big businesses- this is where your family comes in.

"Grandfather was on the Ways and Means Committee in '84. I'm sure your dad told you about the crash."

"That's when Pathfinders went under," Rey said. "That store was his dream."

Ben smiled sadly. "A lot of dreams ended that year. Grandfather personally wrote legislation that raised taxes on small business owners and co-wrote legislation increasing interest on small business loans. There was the matter of his personal vendetta against the Organas, and your family by proxy. And really, these are little things for him. The longer he was in power, the more damage he did.

"The point is that my father was right. I killed him by defending the man who ruined your family."

Rey rolled her eyes. "Christ, Ben, you hold on to things like an eighty year old woman-"

"Why a woman?"

"Don't be sexist. You didn't kill your father. And who says my family was ruined? Yeah, my dad's store was shut down and all that, but my parents still managed to raise two kids who never went hungry and always had a roof over their heads. The economy bounced back. So did they. Actually, reverse that order. We're a tough bunch."

"I can't deny that," Ben said. He looked at her with heavy, red-rimmed eyes. "So, that's it. I'll go now if you want. I just thought you should know. I wanted you to know."

Rey stared at him blankly. She wanted to tell him that his words weren't good enough. She wanted to tell him that he was despicable. She wanted to tell him how much his mother had cried at Han's funeral, not for her husband, but for her son. "How did you find me?" came out instead. "No one knows about this place."

"Oh. You mentioned it in a letter once. Google is an amazing thing."

Rey scoffed. "You know how to use Google?"

"I think the dinosaurs knew how to use Google, Rey."

His words felt familiar to her, and suddenly she was on a balcony in a little red dress with his jacket draped over her shoulders, debating the merits of social media. She smiled. It was a tiny thing, shy, but a smile all the same. Ben returned the smile. The silence between them was awkward. Rey shifted in her seat and took a sip of water.

"Well, happy friendship anniversary," she said, raising her glass.

Ben's eyes widened. "We're still friends?"

Rey sighed. "You deserve forgiveness, Ben. The thing is, _I_ can't give it to you. You have to forgive yourself. It may be hard to believe, but you aren't God. Until you realize that you didn't cause Han's death- don't interrupt- you won't allow anyone to forgive you. It's how guilt operates."

"But even if I didn't cause... Dad... I was still an unmitigated asshole for months. How is that forgivable, Rey?"

She twisted her lips. "Well, first you ask me if I forgive you."

"Can you? Do you?" he asked eagerly.

"Then I decide that I think you're sincere, so I say yeah. We're Forever Friends. But don't do it again, Solo. I'm not nice enough to give three strikes. I won't put up with you being a jerk."

"Noted, Dameron."

A sea of drunken voices began to count backwards from thirty.

"This is probably me sticking my foot in my mouth, but I really wanted to kiss you last year," Ben said.

Rey blinked. "Why didn't you?"

_Twenty_

"I didn't think you would want me to. I didn't expect to ever see you again."

"I thought you were going to kiss me. I even had the 'kiss-me face' on."

_Ten_

"There's a kiss-me face?"

_Nine_

Rey closed her eyes, leaned forward, and cocked her head ever so slightly. "It's this."

_Eight_

"Oh. Why are you staying like that?"

_Seven_

"So you can kiss me."

_Six_

"Seriously?"

_Five_

"Well, Ronno said he isn't leaving his wife, so you'll have to do."

_Four_

"No, really?"

_Three_

"Yes, Ben. God, you're a nerd."

_Two_

"Are you sure?"

_One_

Rey twisted her fingers in Ben's shirt collar and pulled him into an ardent kiss. Despite his verbal coltishness, Ben was surprisingly compliant, yielding to her immediately. His soft, full lips moved against hers with an unpracticed ease, and Rey quickly felt his fingers in her hair.

The world outside of their table came into focus only when Ronno coughed loudly and tapped Rey on the shoulder. Rey arched a questioning eyebrow at him. "Should I tell the grandson not to get his hopes up?" Flushing red, she could only laugh and nod.

Grinning, she turned back to Ben. "Well," she said, "I personally think that was long overdue." She paused; Ben nodded. "What would you say if I suggested making that a regular occurrence?"

Ben started. "You mean like friends with benefits or a boyfriend and girlfriend thing?"

The corners of her lips turned down ever so slightly. "I was hoping for a boyfriend-girlfriend thing. If you think it will complicate or ruin our friendship, though, absolutely forget I asked."

"No! That is, I want you to be my girlfriend. The _no_ was for 'no, I don't think it will ruin our friendship' because if I haven't already-"

"You are such a nerd. It's adorable." She leaned over for a quick kiss. "You know, I'll have to update my relationship status online. Everyone knows it isn't real until it's Facebook official."

He laughed then, taking her hand and pressing his lips to her knuckles. "Maybe I'll get an Insta-Chat to mark this momentous occasion."

Rey rolled her eyes. "Don't pretend to not know what's out there. And don't tease me like that. I might pass out if you turned normal at this point."

"Well, I don't like the idea of you being unconscious. I guess I'll have to suck it up and maintain my Internet status quo."

"Oh, what a struggle that will be," Rey drawled.

In the dark, early hours of 2016, Ben and Rey held hands as they waited for a cab outside of a seedy bar in Manhattan. She tucked his hair behind his ears and put her fingertips on his bouncing knee as they rode to Leia Organa's New Year's Eve party. He squeezed her wrist too tightly when he saw his mother. She soothed him well into the day as he cried and begged for absolution. When he finally forgave himself, she was there, holding him and peppering his face with kisses throughout his epiphany.

Ben Solo had always hated parties, and Rey Dameron had always hated crowds. When she asked him to marry her, they decided on a ceremony with only their family and a few close friends on a to-be-determined New Year's Eve, in the same ballroom as Leia Organa's spectacular celebration, technology themed for the occasion. They wanted to begin their new life where they had begun their old life, they said, and Leia happily agreed to clear staff from the space for a few hours in the afternoon.

"It's our spot," Rey said. "We met there. We'll get married there. We'll go to the party every year."

"Our barycenter," Ben corrected. Rey looked at him quizzically. "It's a point around which two objects revolve."

Rey twisted her lips. "God, you're a nerd."

"But you love me," he said earnestly.

"Duh. But you're still a nerd." She kissed him on the cheek. "Wouldn't the Internet be our barycenter?"

"Don't start, dear."

"I'll get you caught up eventually," Rey promised.

What she didn't know was that he had already joined Pinterest to get wedding ideas.  

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos = love! I love chatting with everyone in the comments section <3
> 
> I'd like to thank [ReyloTrashCompactor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NextToSomething/pseuds/ReyloTrashCompactor) and [LarirenShadow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LarirenShadow/pseuds/LarirenShadow) for their time and patience with my Google+ issues XD
> 
> A huge thanks to ALL of the amazing Anthology mods for coordinating everything, being so kind, and being generally awesome! 
> 
> My [tumblr](http://maq-moon.tumblr.com)!  
> The [tumblr](cunning-crackslips.tumblr.com) of my dear beta, Cake


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